She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize