that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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