real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
