i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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