And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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