you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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