I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
