Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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