It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
