how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
