i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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