some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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