My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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