Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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