I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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