You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
