This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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