I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
