You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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