don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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