You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the day after is always just damage control
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
