Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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