No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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