Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
