just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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