that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
