We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
