I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
