oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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