I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
not ubering you a puppy
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
