fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
