jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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