so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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