saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
