You're completely useless in the revolution.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
