I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
