he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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