his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
