just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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