I can't breathe out the right side of my face
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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