You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
