If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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