When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
