Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
