Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
