forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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