Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
