so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
