dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
