you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
