yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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